Vegans: Modern day witches!

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Vegans: Modern day witches!

Postby Oak » Sat Dec 06, 2008 12:22 pm

Some of this is Satirical hilariousness!

[url=http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/vegans.html]Vegans are Witches
[/url]
"One needn’t look any further than Christ’s words to see that so-called “vegans” are nothing more than sorcerers and demons, mocking God while spitting on His Son’s final supper."

"When the apostle, Peter, woke up hungry, what did God give him to eat? Not a pansy platter of carrot sticks, lettuce leaves and orange slices. He gave him every type of four-footed beast on the earth and every fowl of the air, telling him, “Rise, Peter, kill, and eat” (Acts 10:9-13)"

Be sure to check out Wiki page on Landover Church

If you search youtube you can find some other interviews with 'Harry Hardwick' which are really funny too.

Oak :)
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Postby seasiren » Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:48 pm

This is so timely! Since moving to Michigan the bittys are talking up a storm (gossip is king in the area I am in). Apparently, Im a *gasp* VEGAN ..... that means satanist.....

All this time I thought vegan had something to do with avoiding the use and consumption of animal products ..... and now I find out its a cult :shock: :P
I tell people I'm too stupid to know what's impossible. I have ridiculously large dreams, and half the time they come true.
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Postby JohnBarleycorn » Sun Dec 07, 2008 9:24 pm

seasiren wrote:This is so timely! Since moving to Michigan the bittys are talking up a storm (gossip is king in the area I am in). Apparently, Im a *gasp* VEGAN ..... that means satanist.....

All this time I thought vegan had something to do with avoiding the use and consumption of animal products ..... and now I find out its a cult :shock: :P


Whoops ! Thats my fault....sorry ! I told them you were a satanist !

I thought satan and seitan were the same thing ! Easy mistake to make ! :oops:

I will put it right, next time I see them !
I eat to nourish my compassion, not my greed

I'm the man they couldn't kill ! I cannot be destroyed with conventional weapons !

And probably the former fastest British Vegan 10, 25 and 50 mile TT rider. Probably.
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Postby seasiren » Mon Dec 08, 2008 12:40 am

JohnBarleycorn wrote:
seasiren wrote:This is so timely! Since moving to Michigan the bittys are talking up a storm (gossip is king in the area I am in). Apparently, Im a *gasp* VEGAN ..... that means satanist.....

All this time I thought vegan had something to do with avoiding the use and consumption of animal products ..... and now I find out its a cult :shock: :P


Whoops ! Thats my fault....sorry ! I told them you were a satanist !

I thought satan and seitan were the same thing ! Easy mistake to make ! :oops:

I will put it right, next time I see them !



phew .... that's a relief! No hard feelings :mrgreen:
I tell people I'm too stupid to know what's impossible. I have ridiculously large dreams, and half the time they come true.
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Postby Catt Queen » Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:49 am

Image

Maybe someone told them about me... :lol:

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Postby Konstantin » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:06 am

Gospel of the Holy Twelve shows that Jehoshua Bar Yusef was probabaly vegan, at least vegetarian, and preached freedom for all animals. The Roman Church decided for political reasons which books were going to make the final selection, and GH12 wasn't in there.

On the other hand, maybe the bible we have is correct. It has suggested to me I should kill my brother, and has made it clear that wearing clothes made of two different fabrics is WRONG!

You can interpret what you want, I used to go to church and the main social pressure/interpretation I got from it were about dress codes and creating a middle class exclusive clique. No spiritual interpretation at all.

And what's wrong with witches anyway?
You can see my training log if you're really bored: [url]www.veganfitness.net/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=16086&start=360[/url]
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Postby JohnBarleycorn » Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:23 pm

I know lots of witches.....and they are all great !

Get a taste of paganism.....lick a witch ! :lol:
I eat to nourish my compassion, not my greed

I'm the man they couldn't kill ! I cannot be destroyed with conventional weapons !

And probably the former fastest British Vegan 10, 25 and 50 mile TT rider. Probably.
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Postby Catt Queen » Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:54 pm

JohnBarleycorn wrote:Get a taste of paganism.....lick a witch ! :lol:


Is that vegan? :lol:
Allie =^..^=
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Postby ninearms » Mon Dec 08, 2008 8:55 pm

How do you know she is a witch?
“Begin at the beginning,” the King said gravely, “and go on till you come to the end. Then stop.”
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Postby Catt Queen » Mon Dec 08, 2008 9:14 pm

Why she? I know plenty of male witches... :D
Allie =^..^=
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Postby JohnBarleycorn » Mon Dec 08, 2008 9:20 pm

ninearms wrote:How do you know she is a witch?


Because I threw her in a pond, and she floated ! So we burnt her !
I eat to nourish my compassion, not my greed

I'm the man they couldn't kill ! I cannot be destroyed with conventional weapons !

And probably the former fastest British Vegan 10, 25 and 50 mile TT rider. Probably.
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Postby JohnBarleycorn » Mon Dec 08, 2008 9:33 pm

Catt Queen wrote:
JohnBarleycorn wrote:Get a taste of paganism.....lick a witch ! :lol:


Is that vegan? :lol:


Its vegan, as long as you don't bite bits off, I believe !

:lol:
I eat to nourish my compassion, not my greed

I'm the man they couldn't kill ! I cannot be destroyed with conventional weapons !

And probably the former fastest British Vegan 10, 25 and 50 mile TT rider. Probably.
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Postby Crash » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:08 pm

According to one of my uncles and a priest, I am a witch - so let the licking commence. :wink: :lol:
Demolisher of faces and my enemies beards (no matter where they are located) since 2002.

www.PCRM.org
Click here to help homeless animals.

All truth goes through 3 stages - 1st it's ridiculed. Then it's violently opposed. Finally it's accepted as self-evident.
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Postby emm7 » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:28 pm

JohnBarleycorn wrote:
ninearms wrote:How do you know she is a witch?


Because I threw her in a pond, and she floated ! So we burnt her !


HOLY GRAIL wrote:BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
VILLAGER #1: Burn!
CROWD: Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...
BEDEVERE: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
VILLAGER #1: Are there?
VILLAGER #2: Ah?
VILLAGER #1: What are they?
CROWD: Tell us! Tell us!...
BEDEVERE: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
VILLAGER #1: Burn!
CROWD: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #3: Shh!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
BEDEVERE: Good! Heh heh.
CROWD: Oh yeah. Oh.
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #1: Oh, yeah.
RANDOM: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No. No.
VILLAGER #2: No, it floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond! Throw her into the pond!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Uh, very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Uh, gra-- gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches! Churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead! Lead!
ARTHUR: A duck!
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly. So, logically...
VILLAGER #1: If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore?
VILLAGER #2: A witch!
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
CROWD: A witch! A witch!...
VILLAGER #4: Here is a duck. Use this duck.
[quack quack quack]
BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales.
CROWD: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her!
Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...
BEDEVERE: Right. Remove the supports!
[whop]
[clunk]
[creak]
CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch!
WITCH: It's a fair cop.
VILLAGER #3: Burn her!
CROWD: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...


Crash we have to weigh you first to see whether you weigh the same as a duck :lol: :lol: :lol: if you do then it's a fair cop!
"she was my better half and I was just a dog"
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And some guy's trying to sell me a watch"
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Postby seasiren » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:46 pm

JohnBarleycorn wrote:IGet a taste of paganism.....lick a witch ! :lol:


I saw one like this it was "Get a taste of religion, lick a witch" :lol:

My personal favorite is "don't make me call my flying monkeys".

After my fiasco with the legal system, when I was accused of putting a curse on someone and all her bad luck was because of me .... yep have the awesome court paper work still as it is now a matter of public record. (witch hunt in this century .... geez). So does that mean I'm a witch with papers??? hehe

... I digress again. My daughter who found the entire ordeal amusing bought me a mug "My other car is a broom" Ahh... gotta have a sense of humor I suppose. :roll: :P
I tell people I'm too stupid to know what's impossible. I have ridiculously large dreams, and half the time they come true.
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