When to try to say something re: ED in gym

[ColleenE]

Here's the deal. One of my side jobs is teaching fitness in a gym. In my 9 years doing this, I've seen some folks who clearly have...issues...those who come 3x a day, those who have eating disorders, etc. However, over the past few months I've watched one woman who I know on a first-name basis, become one of the most dangerously anorexic people I've EVER seen. She looks now like a human skeleton, and continues to get right on the elliptical at 6AM and slowly, painfully get through an hour of cardio.

Have you ever had the moral conundrum of whether to try to say something to someone like this? EVERY staff person has remarked about how bad she's getting. But can we say anything? Is it immoral to let someone kill themselves like that?

[Konstantin]

IMHO? Talk to her. You may not be successful and your concern may not be well received, but you have a professional capacity there and therefore you're more in a position to speak with her than if you were just another gym user. If she dies or has a major illness, you'll look back and ask why the hell you didn't at least try.

It sounds as if you will fail if you march up to her and come straight out with her, so maybe chat a bit about gym progress, targets, cuirrent programme and bring it in. Maybe over several occasions.

I don't envy your job here, I think I'd make a mess of it, but hopefully you're more tactful than me. Please have a go.

[baldy]

It is a horrible thing and probably very little influence you can have on that person unless you are really close to them.
I know the gym I used to train at in Cape Town, have asked people with blatant ED/Compulsive Exercising to leave.

This I know would not solve the problem, but in same ways I think it stops the problem getting worse, as other people tending towards having an ED, then do not see that person at the gym as someone to aspire to.

As Konstantin says have a chat with them and ask them about there goals and progress. If it is an ED though, these might all just be symptoms of a much larger problem, very sad topic and situation.

[Linnéa76]

I guess it won't do any harm telling her you're worried and ask if she's getting any treatment.
I've thought about this too a few times; what if nobody ever says anything? Some people with
ED do seek help at some point so there's always a small chance that you can have an influence
if you happen to approach them at a moment when they're receptive to it...

[sergio]

Tough and sad situation.

My experience says me that people with ED get defensive and avoid further conversation if they're asked directly or if they feel judged in some way. I also think that trying to speak about her goals/progress in the gym or her energy levels would be a good way to start a conversation and have some feedback about how she feels. It's difficult, but you should try something.

Asking her to leave the gym won't solve anything and it's a really tough decision.

[beforewisdom]

Here's the deal. One of my side jobs is teaching fitness in a gym. In my 9 years doing this, I've seen some folks who clearly have...issues...those who come 3x a day, those who have eating disorders, etc. However, over the past few months I've watched one woman who I know on a first-name basis, become one of the most dangerously anorexic people I've EVER seen. She looks now like a human skeleton, and continues to get right on the elliptical at 6AM and slowly, painfully get through an hour of cardio.

Have you ever had the moral conundrum of whether to try to say something to someone like this? EVERY staff person has remarked about how bad she's getting. But can we say anything? Is it immoral to let someone kill themselves like that?

I've seen a few women like that at the gyms I have been a member of. I'm a firm believer that things like that are nobody else's business. Imagine if a complete stranger came up to you and said something unflattering about your body.

OTOH, I don't think it is an ethical violation of any kind to say something to her. At the most it will be taken as something rude and offensive.

Of all the acts one person can do, that is not such a big deal.

She may get defensive and rebuff you, but at the same time, unknown to you, you may plant a seed by saying something or water a seed someone else dropped.

[Talyn]

First of all you should confirm with your employer that it's OK to say something. If she was super defensive she could make a complaint which would be bad for you.

Other than that, I agree with the other posts. It's a very sad situation to be in as it's happening right in front of you.

[JP]

just a thought, would be good to listen and hear what are her goals, what does she want to achieve with her training and so on.

and then the discussion wouldnt be about the ED, alleged, since extreme thinness can come from other things too, but about constructive goal setting and appropriate training and nutrition to achieve it.

If the goal is to "stay in shape" or get thinner, then you can say it how it is.

even if she gets upset at you, further down the line she might remember you as one of the positive influences in getting over it.